I don't know about you, but I have often had conflicting feelings about who and what I am. Something that I've only just started to try to interpret.
From a young age, we're told we're meant to be 'this and this', in order to do/achieve 'this'. But what if that doesn't work for us? Work for our souls journey?
I wasn't very academic at school, and that made me feel like shit. I was trying to keep up with my mates, who continued to get higher exam marks then me. Trying to live up to how successful my sister was at school. I knew I wasn't a 'dummy', and I knew that I knew a lot about a lot of things. But most subjects at school I felt were just not in my 'wheel house'. Interestingly now though, I'm fascinated by history and science. So perhaps that was more of a time thing - it just wasn't the right time for me to be learning that stuff? Who knows.
English was always my best topic. I loved to read, and I read A LOT.
I didn't get into University. I was literally 3% off getting University Entrance. I was heart broken. For someone whose self confidence was already low, that sunk it even deeper.
Throughout my life I've realised I've either felt like one of the most genuine people in the world (without sounding too up myself), or I've felt like the biggest imposter. Almost like I sometimes have imposter syndrome.
For example, when I feel like I'm one of the most genuine people - my heart and soul crave equality. Fairness for everyone and everything. When in this thought process my whole body can ache when I see the way minorities are treated. I guess a lot of that stems from being very empathetic. I often think my thoughts are so very honest, that I'm too scared to share them with anyone - as they won't get it.
When imposter syndrome kicks in, I can be paralysed with 'who do I think I am'? What makes me think that I have the right or skills to do this? Nobody wants to listen to, or learn from that painfully shy, socially awkward little girl who could never pass a maths exam.
Well hot dam! The more I travel along the path of my new soul journey and career - it's getting easier and easier to balance these two feelings.
I know I AM worthy of success. I know that my 'fluffy' character and personality traits are what has set me on this path. They are my strengths. I love them and I'm so grateful.
Follow your gut, the niggle, your INTUITION. Don't let anyone or anything dim your light. MANIFEST the shit out of all you desire. Ask. Believe. Receive.
Simples.
